Reciprocity is one of the many persuasion techniques you can use to influence others to do what you want them to do. Many consider it the most powerful of human nature. Basically, it states that: "If you do something good for me, I will do something good for you."
The law of reciprocity leaves you with a feeling of guilt, of debt, that forces you to reciprocate. If I call you for lunch and when the bill arrives I go ahead and pay for everything, you'll probably offer to pay for the next meal.
But does it always work that way in business? I just have to do as many favors as possible and I will be successful in the business world?
The answer is: IT DEPENDS.
In Spain, unfortunately, reciprocity has become synonymous with charity. The word has been conceived with a kind of sanctified veil and labeled with the fallacy: "Help people without wanting ANYTHING in return." Oh really? Nothing at all?
Rational answers mean NOTHING, 85% of the answers come from our unconscious mind.
Recent studies conducted at MIT have shown that when we do favors for others, our brain releases dopamine, the happiness hormone. So you don't help just to help, but you do it and you get a beautiful feeling of well-being.
We all seek unconscious rewards when we help others. It can be wellness, acceptance by the community, or even your own little piece of “heaven.”
Recently, a friend spent 90 days in Africa helping to build a school for refugee children. He came back absolutely transformed. He had improved in every way. Now, analyze it coldly, who benefited more, the children or HIM?
So, Fabricio, does that mean I should become selfish and let others fend for themselves? Absolutely. As always, what differentiates poison from medicine is the dose.
Too much reciprocity = low productivity The science of persuasion has found that people who help others at work are well regarded. In this sense, giving of yourself to others should be considered a good thing, except for one detail: IT NEGATIVELY AFFECTS THE RESULTS.
As?
People who help too much end up neglecting their own activities, so their productivity is lower than most. They do not achieve their goals because they put aside their "selfishness" and try to help others.
But, Fabricio, I was always taught that I should help neighbors, co-workers, clients and friends. All this positivity, all my altruism would trigger reciprocity and I would receive everything twice, automatically, as if it were a positive conspiracy of the universe in my favor.
Once again, the answer is: IT DEPENDS.
Look at my personal experience: I have eaten several fruits in the market and I have not bought anything, I have tried vehicles and I have not bought the car, I have tried services for 30 days and I simply have not subscribed as they wanted, but I have fallen into the " trap" from Netflix, Spotify and UBER.
Now, judge the facts, how many companies and people have done you and me favors and we haven't always reciprocated? Where has reciprocity failed?
Well, everything DEPENDS on the individual and their very particular perception of things. Pure reciprocity does not guarantee results, but reciprocity used strategically can increase your performance dramatically.
Before you learn the techniques that I am going to give you, be careful with the so-called negative reciprocity.
Negative reciprocity is the guy who participated in Secret Santa and forgot to bring the gift. It is a one-way street paved with selfish intentions.
Many companies make the mistake of designing experiences with forced reciprocity, pushy pop-up emails, unnecessary form fields, too much advertising, and a whole host of other bad ways to ask for reciprocity.
How can you make the most of the technique of reciprocity and not expect rewards from the universe? Offer first | Don't wait for them to do it for you. Do it for others first. Normally, this feeling of indebtedness ends up causing people to return a favor greater than the one they received.
Incites the feeling of indebtedness by offering for the first time; Offer something exclusive and unique to the recipient to make them feel special.
It's not about what to offer, but HOW to offer it.
Here are three examples of HOW to offer a surprise gift to the client you want to captivate:
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We get very few here, so my boss asked me to choose only special clients. You are one of the first on my list.
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You are the first person to receive this gift. I didn't think twice when it came into my hands.
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Is it your lucky day? The gifts were sold out, but I dug through the stock and found this latest precious gem, received as a gesture of love from our company.
Order soon | The fact is that not everyone is as aware as you would like, so it is very possible that this favor will take a long time to be returned, or even never be returned. To get rid of this, simply ask for something. Of course, you won't remind another person of what you've done, that would disrupt your social relationships too much. You will ask for a favor, simple as that.
Have you ever received a favor from someone and never had the chance to return it? Welcome to the club, this means that people who have remembered us or asked us for favors have been reciprocated more quickly than those who have remained silent, appealing to conscience and memory.
Do something unexpected | If you ask for a favor and it is preceded by an unexpected gift, your chances of convincing customers to return it skyrocket.
In one notable study, researchers found that waiters received more tips when they gave customers an extra mint, followed by the bill, of course.
They made the sign of silence, looked the customers in the eyes and took another candy out of their pocket, as if it were something forbidden... The result was a 20% increase in the amount of tips received. Amazing, right?
Apparent references | If you recommend someone, do it carefully, don't go out and recommend just anyone, it can be a big shot in the foot. When the recommendation is really good, ask the person you recommended to reinforce with the recommender that it was YOU who helped create that bridge.
Emotional reciprocity | Make the other person feel good. This is worth more than money. A compliment, moral support, encouragement focused on raising the other person's self-esteem.
You can do this by saying things like
Thanks for your time. It is a great pleasure to meet you in person. Your company is great, thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk about my services. You are slimmer and younger. Maybe you already are like that, someone who likes to give compliments. However, some people don't like doing this kind of thing. The fact is that your personal tastes are irrelevant in the business world. You have to do the things that work. Whether you like it or not, your goal is to WIN.
You're telling me to give half-hearted praise. Wouldn't that be false? YES, I call it acceptable falsehood.
Physical reciprocity | IT'S YOUR TURN for beer, Fabricio! Doing something that requires physical detachment is viewed very favorably by the other party. This also applies to material things, like lending your car or your barbecue.
Look for opportunities to do things for others. That is the starting point. Something as simple as opening the door for someone, giving them a ride, or even bringing them a cup of coffee has a powerful psychological effect.
This type of detachment by lending, transferring and physically helping another person is a very effective technique for getting people to like you.
Socratic reciprocity. The Socratic method simply means: ask lots of questions. Ask and listen carefully. People love to talk about themselves. The better you are at listening, the more they will like you.
When you ask questions and listen carefully, they will automatically see you as someone who is open to dialogue and respects different points of view. You will find that the other party will be more reasonable about your demands.
The last secret to getting the most out of the reciprocity technique is knowing how to thank a compliment. Say thank you the right way | Even the “act of giving thanks” must be done with technique. How you say thank you will dramatically influence how quickly and how much you receive back after doing your part and using reciprocity.
You should know that we are self-suggestive, just watch the hypnologists lying and cheating with the public in those auditorium shows.
If you want to penetrate the other person's unconscious, every word counts. Try these phrases the next time someone thanks you for a service.
You're welcome, I know you'd do exactly the same for me. That's what friends are for, to wash each other's hands. As the saying goes: a friend in the square is worth more than the money in your pocket. You don't need to thank me, one day I may find myself in the same situation.